God showed up yesterday in the midst of grief…well, He was always there, this I speak with confidence, even though He seemed silent. He was there in the friends who met me for breakfast. He showed His grace through the husband who hugged me and spoke tender words of love. He was present in the tween who threw his arms around my neck and said, “Mama, I love you.” And in the small treasures while I was sitting in my quiet time spot, He reminded me He was there. Oh, and when seven little Eastern bluebirds fluttered into the burning bush outside my window to devour the tiny red berries that graced the leafless branches, He reminded me He was there.
These past few years have been hard. For days, the God who created me and who promised to always be present has often seemed absent. But He has been here, with me, walking faithfully through the hard things. There are things that I wish I could write, but words seem inadequate. How do I describe in words the bigness of the God who has held me or the depth of the kindness of my Heavenly Father? He so lovingly arranged my life so that when the memories that I had tried to silence in my heart and mind, the things my body was going to relive, resurfaced and refused to remain silent, I was not alone. I was surrounded by people who would carry me in prayer and not judge the mess that I would eventually become.
This God who knows all things had prompted my husband to work from home well before I knew that I was going to need him every moment of the day – loving me through the past. God put me in a small prayer group that I would end up spilling my mess to and they would pray me through it. This God whose love overwhelms me, put a pastor in my life that was willing to reach out to a counselor to get me the help he knew I needed. And then, his wife, who met with me when I didn’t know if there was hope. When I stepped into a twelve step program and found help, God’s love was guiding me. Looking back, I know that God was present in all the big things and all the little details, preparing me for the miracle of healing that He is doing in my life.
I have rough days, weeks, months. But today isn’t one of them. Today is one of the days when I know His goodness is at hand, that He is encouraging my heart and reminding me of His promises. Today is a different kind of day. There is all this joy spilling into my heart. I don’t really know how to explain it. The truth of His Word is filling me up to overflowing and the promise of His presence is my confidence.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9, ESV) I have been some places in my life and I am so thankful that even when I was frightened or dismayed, I have discovered that the Lord is with me! He is faithful to His Word.